… On A Lack of Inspiration or Just Plain Ole Procrastination!

I am always putting things off until the last minute. I think I have nailed it down to an exact science. Procrastination is the science (some say art) of putting things off until, well PANIC STATIONS! It is a willfully self inflicted injury, of which I do not think there is an easy remedy. It really doesn't take much effort to delay that start of a project. Procrastination is a self-perpetuating disease and those of us that suffer from it always have the best excuses. I am beginning to believe that procrastinators have the same genetic dysfunction as do inveterate gamblers, dipsomaniacs, and insomniacs. We know we have this malfunctioning aspect of our lives, but do either refuse to or simply do not take the necessary remedial actions to handle this aspect of our lives. No matter how many battle plans we draw up, we will always leave it to the last possible minute to act on it. I have known about writing this piece for the past day and despite all my best intentions to get an early jump and … well, yep, you guessed right: I have waited until the last minute to start. I am convinced there is a genetic misfiring in my mind that is extremely adept at finding excuses, situations, and things to distract me from actually starting this project.

So, I picked up the gauntlet, last night, to write one piece. To my credit, I scribbled a few notes on a pad – does that count as having started? I mean these were a few broad ideas that I could develop into this piece. I was making good progress until I decide to map out my battle plan for my day today. At the top of the list was to churn out this piece first thing in the morning – I mean, I had a few ideas scratched out on a pad, they would percolate overnight, and be ready for full development in the morning. Huh, I have this procrastination thing beaten. I was in good form and quickly went on listing the things that needed accomplishing during today. I was even feeling energized as I now had, in my mind, my day fully mapped out and come morning, I would start the day running. The developing strategy would remain fluid but would have definitive points to be hit by certain times. This post was to be written by lunchtime – see that, a fluid enough but definitive deadline. All I had to do was stick to that plan and I should not have to smack the panic stations button. These are the famous but foolish, final self deceiving thoughts of a procrastinator. The only fault in my planning was my failure to factor in the endless distractions, and detours that would be clamoring for my attention all morning … sigh, and all afternoon.

I believe there is in all procrastinators not only a confidence, but, really an ability to truly execute on any project. This is the procrastinator’s folly – most procrastinators know that they can execute and deliver on any project but always fail to consider their limited personal management skills. By the way, there is no such thing as time management: there will always be 24 hours in a day, 60 minutes to the hour, 60 seconds to the minute – you get the picture? There is only how a person manages themselves to fully utilize those 24 hours. That's a debate for another day. Anyway, back to this false sense of security that lulls procrastinators into believing they somehow possess an innate ability to stretch time regardless of all indications to the contrary.

So, I was set and in good form when I finished outlining my battle plan. I mean, this was a solid plan and well mapped out. too. That's the biggest load of poppycock as the plan started to unravel almost immediately when I made the fatal mistake to check if there was anything interesting on the idiot box. Stupid mistake – before I could even think discipline, I was engrossed in a rerun of an episode of Jerry Springer. I would only watch until Jerry's Final Thought and switch this thing off. Good enough – but these late night commercials are painful to watch … wonder what else is on? Ooh look, Ton and Jerry is on Cartoon Network – wonder which episode this is … before long and for the umpteenth time I'm rooting for Tom to finally get that little rat. Well, will you look at the clock. Damn, it's already 4:30am. Shit! I will definitely turn off the television at 5:00am. I will just watch the last half hour of Jerry and these three episodes of Tom and Jerry.

Soon, I roll over and try to fall asleep. I fail miserably as I lay there cogitating on not only what I am going to write, but also what I will accomplish by sticking to my laid out battle plan. This seems like a good strategy – foreshadowing the success of my day by playing it out in my day. This is a silly move as these calm thoughts soon turn into a raging internal debate whether I should start writing (since I am still wide awake :( and sleep later in the day or to stick to the battle plan. I could make some tea, start writing something and … this is when the laziness kicks in. I couldn't be bothered to get up, walk to the kitchen and start making the tea. I am already comfortable and warm in here – besides, I will be more productive in the morning when I am fully rested. Yeah right – it still takes me another hour to finally fall asleep. Another case of the self induced insomnia – which is always a good excuse to why I delayed finishing writing this piece. See, what I did there?

I wonder what time it is? Its still looks gray outside. How long have I been asleep? I roll over and look at the clock. It's just blinks at me. It takes a moment for my sleepy mind to register that the there must have been a power cut while I slept. Well, it's still early out so I can snooze for another few minutes … its another hour and a half before I wake up. I turn the idiot box on – shit its close to midday. What happened to my morning – I open the blinds, it's still gray out because its cloudy and overcast. Well, that battle plan is now definitely awash but not yet a total loss. The secret is not to panic, stay focused, make some minor adjustments to the battle plan and I can still recover this day and make my deadline. Well, first things first - let's get some coffee going while I brush my teeth.

That coffee smells so good. Tastes good too – let me check my email while I drink my coffee. This will give me a chance to fully wake up. I wonder what's going on in the world – so, I turn on the idiot box. It will serve as a good backdrop to my writing. I am a little hungry. I will need something to munch on as I write. Leftovers will be the quickest option – I shove some in the microwave. I wonder what it feels like outside. So, I walk out and immediately feel the humidity. I look up and it looks like there is a storm rolling in – that should help the creative juices. I walk back in and decide to see what the folks at the Weather channel are saying about the weather. The microwave beeps to inform me that my food is ready. I grab it and sit in front of the idiot box. As soon as I finish eating I will be ready to start writing in earnest. After I checked on the weather, I change channels to check on the Business headlines. That keeps me entertained for a while and, shit, that's the closing bell. Dang, its already mid afternoon and am yet to start writing. So, I jump up and am now resolved to get this done in the quickest time possible. I head to the kitchen to wash my hands and when I come back … what are they talking about on the idiot box. I missed the introduction to this story – fine, I will check it out on the Wires before I start writing. So, I head over to Reuters and quickly scan the headlines. Hhhmm, that's interesting so I start reading the article … needless to say before I realize it another hour has flown by. I could always ask for an extension to the deadline … PANIC STATIONS!

I have a little time to the deadline and if I start writing NOW!! I should be able to beat the … I need to pee. Ok, as soon as I handle my business I start writing and will not stop until I finish the post. I could always take the easy route out and just list issues that I have honed down to make my form of procrastination an exact science. The list is:

1. False sense of security based on personal ability
2. Laziness – do I need to explain this trait?
3. Excuses – Did I really need to check the Weather Channel?
4. Denial – I really do not think I have a problem. Do you?
5. PANIC STATIONS – Repeat for the next project.

As I said, I have this procrastination thing down to an exact science. Accept your foibles, learn to live with them, and Have fun always!!

Today's thought: Teaching a child not to step on a caterpillar is as valuable to the child as it is to the caterpillar. Bradley Miller, activist (b. 1956)

Have fun always!!